I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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