He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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