Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
