You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
