I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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