He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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