you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
