When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
