Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
