***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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