Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
