Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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