she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
