I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
