I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
