Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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