I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
