girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
