To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
