just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
