remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
