The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
