my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
