How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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