It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
no you cant smoke seaweed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
