I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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