Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
