I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
