her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Two words: blizzard sex
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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