ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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