just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Couch. On fire.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
