My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
