Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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