How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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