Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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