i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
