I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
