She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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