I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
