i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
