Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
