Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
