Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
