Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
