i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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