I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
