for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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