When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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