I want to stick my p in your. b.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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