Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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