I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
